85 Degree Weather

What a day! Brandon had his first soccer game today. It was so fun watching him run around and help the team out. He's at that age when sports start getting competitive. Unfortunately, his team lost today, but he was in good spirits afterwards.

It was pretty unusual to watch Spring soccer in 85 degree weather.  I might have gotten a sunburn on my forehead.  My face and lips feel tight, like I got too much sun.  I didn't think to grab sunscreen before we left, so we had to find shade for Ben to stay in while we watched the game.  I remember a couple years ago when Blair was in soccer and I sat in the car the whole time with the heater running because it was so cold.  This has been a strange Spring, indeed.  :)

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We were on the go from the start this morning, so my eating has been a little nuts.  I had Special K Vanilla Almond with Silk for breakfast so I started out good, but I bought a small 5 ounce can of honey roasted peanuts to snack on while we watched the game and next thing I knew, I'd eaten them all.  800 calories worth of peanuts.  Needless to say, I was irritated with myself.  I'm not a big fan of nuts because you get so few for so many calories and I ate more than half of my daily calories in peanuts.  *sigh*

After the game, we took the kids to Pizza Hut and I had a couple slices of Veggie Lovers on thin crust, which is pretty decent in calories.  What did me in though was that I also ate a bunch of cheesy breadsticks.  Probably not something my waist and thighs really needed.  :/

I really need to get back on track.  My calories have been all over the place lately.  I didn't run today, either.  I just ran out of time.  I have to work early tomorrow, so I'm hoping to run in the afternoon.  I miss running.  I miss being active.

Sometimes I Impress Myself

I was feeling pretty good this afternoon, so I decided to try running on the treadmill a bit.  I had no plan to push it too far; my goal was just a "quick" mile (quick by my standards, LOL) and see how I felt after that.  I had taken half a pain killer this morning because I had to ride in the car for a few hours and my back really starts to hurt after being in the car for awhile and it was pretty clear right from the start of the run that I still had some of it in my system.  My whole right side felt heavy, like I had sandbags or something tied to my lower leg and my right arm.  It made for a very strange run.  :/  Also, it was pretty obvious from the start that it had been two weeks since my last good run.  My lungs were burning about a quarter into the mile.  My breathing wasn't too bad, but I had started the run at a faster pace than I usually do.

At about .80, I realized that I was only going to be able to do a mile.  The heaviness in my body was making it difficult to run with decent form.  Just before I hit the mile mark, the room got darker, so I knew I definitely wasn't going further than a mile.  I wasn't sure if the sun had gone behind a cloud and caused the darkness or if it was something going on in my head, but I figured it was just safe to call it quits, especially since I hadn't planned on running today anyway.  The fact that I did was accomplishment enough.  I really didn't have any more to prove.  LOL  :)  I'm a tad bit competitive though, even with myself.

kind of hard to read the time, but it was 12:48

I looked back at my previous run times and realized that my PR was 12:46...I almost beat it!  Oh well.  I'm not out to PR anyway.  I need distance, first.  :)

I'm just so encouraged by the fact that I ran today, even though that wasn't the plan.  The previous me, the lazy me, would have talked myself out of it because I had committed myself to Monday.  But the new me, the more athletic me, told myself that if I feel well enough to do it, I need to just DO IT.  :)  Yes, I'm patting myself on the back right now.  LOL

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My in-laws came over for dinner tonight.  We decided to grill some chicken and steaks and had various sides to go with it.  You can imagine that it was definitely not diet food.  LOL  I had a great time, though, and ate like a "normal" person, and didn't measure everything and count calories.

My in-laws are awesome.  They remind me a lot of my parents and we all get along so great.  I'm really digging this "pre-summer" weather, but to be honest, it makes me a little nervous about how hot it's going to get this summer!  LOL

Weekly Weigh In (03/30/12)

Last week: 173.6
This week: 172.6
Total: - 1.0

surely a pedicure is in my future  :)

All things considering, I'll definitely take a one pound loss.  Hopefully by the beginning of next week I'll be back in the swing of things.  I renewed my gym membership on March 15h and I haven't even been back to the gym since before then!  But with everything that's happened in the last two weeks, I'm just going to be thankful that I haven't gained anymore than I did and that I in fact lost weight since the last weigh in.

Holy Visitors, Batman!

Well, hellooooo!  (You know you can't say it without thinking of Mrs. Doubtfire - or maybe you can.  I hear Robin Williams' "female" voice and kind of giggle a little.)  I posted my link on Katie's blog list at Runs for Cookies and my stats have blown up.  I love her blog.  She's such an inspiration.  :)

So, anyway, welcome new readers.  :)  I haven't been blogging for long - since about December, I believe.  I've had many blogs and websites in the years, but never anything that lasted very long.  I have a very short attention span and I'd quickly run out of things to talk about on those various blogs and websites, so I'd lose interest and eventually shut them down.  :/  However, one thing I never get tired of talking about is myself, my weight loss endeavors, my desire to be a runner, my children and husband and my day to day life (which is pretty mundane, actually).  And it really helps to have an audience - I can talk all day if someone is willing to listen.  ;)

To the left you'll find a couple of links listed that are mainly background information posts.  One is about my history as a heavy child and teenager and then how I've yo yo'ed as an adult.  The other is a post I wrote when I hit my 100 pound weight loss, which actually just occurred a few weeks ago.  This entire journey has taken me 3 years and it's not quite over yet.  Those last 35 pesky pounds sure are sticking around!  LOL

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My back is finally on the mend, I think.  It didn't hurt nearly as bad today so I was hoping to get a walk in sometime after work, but both Kaiden and Brandon had soccer tonight, so I didn't have time.  I might give my back a few more days of rest, but I'm definitely shooting for Monday to start running again.

Brandon had his first soccer practice this afternoon.  He's not really big on organized sports even though he's pretty athletic (he loves to run), but I really wanted him to play something this year, so I forced encouraged him to be in soccer this Spring.  He was adamant that he wasn't going to enjoy it, but once he realized his friends were on his team, he was more enthusiastic.  He had a great time at practice.

Kaiden's first soccer game was tonight and it was so cute watching 4 and 5 year olds running around trying to score goals.  Kaiden actually scored a goal once (the first goal of the game) but he stopped the ball, grabbed it and set it in front of the goal before he kicked it in.  It was pretty cute.  LOL

And of course, I can't forget Ben, who was a perfect little gentleman and spectator as his brothers kicked around the ball.

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My food log is all over the place today.  Terribly high in calories, to say the least.  This always happens when we're on the go so much.  *sigh*  And tomorrow is weigh in.  Damn.  :/

Food Log:

• breakfast - activia yogurt with granola (320), breakfast sandwich
• lunch - beef and cheddar on a pretzel bun
• dinner - soft taco, potato oles, beer
• snack - granola thin (80), cupcake, crackerful (130)

Q&A: Lower Body Lift

Are you planning on having a lower body lift? - Anna

This is definitely something I'm interested in at some point in the future.  I'm very unhappy with my saggy-ness and looking at myself naked makes me sad.  I still have 35 pounds until my ultimate goal and while I'm okay with not quite reaching it before I consider surgery, I'd like to be much closer to that goal.  Also, my husband and I both work for very small companies and neither of them offer insurance (or any benefits, for that matter), so whatever my surgery would cost ultimately comes out of our pocket.

It's funny, but I play the lottery from time to time, hoping that I'll eventually win a large enough prize to pay off our mortgage and enable me to get a lower body lift.  As of this post (03/29/12), the MegaMillions lottery is at $540 MILLION and I have 12 sets of numbers in my purse.  I'm hoping that at least one of them is some sort of winner.  I am by no means greedy.  I have no clue what I'd do with $540 million (or whatever the cash option prize is).  I don't even know what I'd do with a million dollars.  Like I said, a prize large enough to pay off our mortgage, get me my surgery and maybe pay off some other debt would be sufficient enough.  LOL

come on, big money!

Honestly, though, surgery is something I've been looking into and when I saw what our out of pocket expense would be, I realized I'd never be able to save up for it.  It's something I'm very much interested in, but I can also think of other things I could spend $20,000 on.  There are also other problem areas that could use some work, so I wonder if it'd be never ending.  :/  With three pregnancies, my breasts have taken a beating, not to mention that I lost a lot of weight from that area during this weight loss.  Not to mention my jiggly inner thighs and upper arms.  See, lots of problem areas, which in turn equals lots of money.

But yes, I want the surgery.  Will I get it?  Only if we can get an affordable insurance plan or win the lottery.  :)

Making Cupcakes With Kaiden

I have only made cupcakes one time in my life and they came out horrible.  I had filled them to high in the cups so they overflowed when they baked.  I am a disaster in the kitchen, I swear.  LOL

Kaiden got the first cupcake

My mom's birthday was Monday and I had planned on making cupcakes for her but because I'd been sick the night before, I just wasn't up for it.  So Kaiden and I made them today.  They turned out way better this time.  Kaiden chose the cake mix (yeah, I'm no Suzy Homemaker - the batter totally came out of the box, courtesy of Betty Crocker) and the frosting (Ms. Crocker again).  He chose white cake and chocolate frosting.  It was a lot of fun!  Definitely not diet food, though I did substitute the oil for unsweetened apple sauce, which I'd read about somewhere online.  My mom's on a weight loss mission too, so I low-cal'ed them as much as I could.  I was really surprised at how fluffy and tasty they were.  :)  Kaiden sure enjoyed them, too.

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I had to work today and my back was sore most of the day.  I put off taking any medication as long as possible, but about half way through my shift, I had to give in.  I'm only so tough.  :/  I also got my appetite back today.  I had a plan, but I messed up on someone's lunch and I ended up eating the mistake.  After I ate it, I was pissed at myself, but it was a little late for regrets.  Oh well.  It's not really helping things either that I keep testing the batter and the frosting (gotta make sure it won't make the kids or my mom sick, right?) but I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  It's not like I've made too terribly bad choices.  And maybe I'm making excuses, I don't know, but while my calories are on the high side, it's not as if I've eaten that much, quantity wise.  I'm not in a dangerous binge zone yet, though the cupcakes could get me there pretty quickly.  Thankfully, I'm not much of a cake person, it's just the raw batter and the frosting themselves that could get me in trouble.  I'm not out of control though, and that's when I get in trouble.  I'm pretty aware of the possible binge and I'm doing my best to keep myself in check.

Anyway, the way I see it, I'm only human and when I'm back to a 100%, I'll kick some serious butt in the gym and gain some distance again on the treadmill and (hopefully) the road.  I'm really looking forward to my first post-injury run.  I'm scared, but sooooo ready to just get it over with and see how much damage I've done to my endurance.  :/

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Food Log:

• breakfast - activia yogurt with granola (320)
• lunch - cheeseburger
• dinner - pasta and cheese
• snack - activia yogurt with granola (320), granola thin (80), 3 cupcakes 

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YOUR TURN: Do you prefer baking or cooking? I'm actually pretty good at both, when I put my mind to it.  I have a very short attention span, so anything with a lot of ingredients or steps is completely lost on me and I won't attempt it because I know I'll give up quickly.  I also dislike the clean up.  Overall, though, I prefer cooking, mostly because it's pretty failproof.  Baking...well, you have to soften the butter just right to get perfect cookies and I don't have that kind of patience.  LOL  Plus, I will eat more batter than what actually gets baked and that doesn't make my thighs very happy.  ;)

Starting to Feel "Normal" Again

I'm so happy to say that my back is feeling better today.  I was able to get quite a bit done around the house today (it had pretty much gone to hell in the last week since I hurt my back) so I'll probably be sore again tomorrow, but I really can't stand it when the clutter piles up.  And look, my treadmill is ready to be used again, rather than being a laundry catch all:

patiently waiting for me :)

My appetite is slowly coming back, which is a relief.  I was terrified to eat anything yesterday and finally had to force myself to because I was starting to get that shaky, weak and dizzy feeling.  I hate that feeling.  I have to ease back into eating, though, because after I ate lunch today, I felt queasy again.  Clearly my lunch choices were just too heavy.

Besides catching up on housework, I tried to take it easy and just relax.  My whole week is booked with work (Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday), soccer practice and game (Thursday), court for a ticket (Friday), and another soccer game (Saturday).  I said yesterday that I like to be busy because otherwise I'll get lazy, but after looking at my schedule for the week, I'd almost prefer to be lazy.  LOL  I'm not going to lie, I do like lounging around the house in my pajamas watching TV and movies.  I also like to sleep, which I don't get nearly enough of.  *sigh*

Preston wasn't feeling well today, so we decided that it was going to be a soup and sandwich kind of dinner, which really worked since I wasn't really feeling up to eating much more than that anyway.  The kids are rarely thrilled when we eat soup, but they still manage to eat without too much complaining (it helps when the noodles in the chicken noodle soup are letters). ;)

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Food Log:

• lunch - macaroni salad (330), cottage cheese (80), cheese (110)
• dinner - potato broccoli cheese chowder (420)

Total calories:  940

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YOUR TURN: Do you prefer a busy schedule or would you rather be laid back? I'm actually kind of lazy and hate having a schedule.  I'd rather be laid back and spontaneous (which doesn't work well for my type A personality), but when it comes to work and kids' extracurricular activities, a schedule is obviously a must.  :)

The Aftermath of Yesterday's Binge

I have binged a lot in my life.  Binging is why I put on all the weight to begin with.  But I have never binged to the point where I was throwing up and couldn't stop.  Until last night, that is.  Shortly after I signed off, I started throwing up.  I didn't stop until about 2:00am.  I finally had to open the living room door and turn off the heater and my electric blanket and just sleep with the cool air coming in through the door.  It was the only thing that helped.

I'm always disgusted and disappointed in myself after my binges.  I hate not having control and one thing I should be able to control is what I put in my mouth.  But when I go on a binge, I have no control.  I just keep eating and eating and eating and I can't stop.  Sometimes I'll feel full and still eat.  Other times, like yesterday, I'll keep eating and never feel full.  Just going over the list of food in my head that I ate yesterday makes me full, but for some reason, my brain just never got the signal that I was full until it was too late.  Until last night, I'd never made myself sick.  I really hope that I can remember how I felt last night and refrain from binging ever again.  I honestly felt like I was dying.  I went from sweaty hot to clammy cool, back and forth, all night long.  I was shaky and weak.  I felt awful and embarrassed.

I haven't been able to eat or drink much today.  I took my mom to Arby's for lunch (Kaiden picked) for her birthday, but chose not to have anything.  Nothing sounded good.   As I was leaving town, Preston texted me to see if I'd grab him some lunch at Wendy's.  Nothing sounded good there, either, but I was feeling weak, so I told myself I have to eat.  I got a chicken sandwich and had a really hard time eating it.  When I was done, I could feel it sitting in my stomach and I really just wanted it out. 

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My back hurts worse today than it did yesterday.  I don't know what's going on.  I felt great yesterday, as far as my back was concerned.  I'm guessing I overdid it, but at this rate, it'll never be healed.  I'm a mom and work part time.  I don't have time to rest and relax.  I will be quitting my job by summer probably, but I'm just not ready to quit yet, especially for an injury.  I don't know what to do.  :/

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The boys both start soccer this week.  Kaiden had practice tonight.  He's five, so it's not very structured.  It's mostly just for fun and to learn the fundamentals.  I love this stage of sports - where there isn't a lot of competitiveness by parents or the kids.  It's just a bunch of little kids getting together and kicking around a ball.  Brandon's first practice is Thursday, which is the same day as Kaiden's first game.  Looks like my days are getting more and more booked.  I like being busy...I get lazy if I'm not.

Sugar Overdose

I think my back is on the road to recovery.  I still had a little bit of pain, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it has been, and I noticed that further into the day, I was able to move around a lot faster.  So this gives me hope that within the next few days I can try busting out at least a mile on the treadmill, or even better, outside.  :)  I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss running.  I hate running, but I miss being able to do it.

I worked the dreaded 11-7 shift and I went on a major sugar binge.  I'm so sick right now.  Breathing makes me want to puke.  I tried to keep track of everything I was eating and I tried to stop myself from binging, but it was a lost cause.  I finally lost track of everything I consumed and there was just no stopping.  I'm really disappointed in myself.

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While I was at work today, the boys went to a birthday party.  They brought so much candy home, it was enough to make my sugar rush worse just by looking at it.  There was a pinata and it was huge!

Kaiden's turn with the pinata

And Brandon's turn...

Well, I'm feeling unbelievably sick right now, so I'm signing off.  I really hope I remember this feeling next time I have the urge to binge on sugar.  Ugh...

Running Schedule, Week 4 Recap

Sunday, March 18th: no run
Monday, March 19th: 2.25 miles (1 mile/14:41 pace - injured)
Tuesday, March 20th: 2.25 miles (did not run - injured)
Wednesday, March 21st: 2.33 miles (did not run - injured)
Thursday, March 22nd: no run
Friday, March 23rd: 2.33 miles (did not run - injured)
Saturday, March 24th: 2.5 miles (did not run - injured)

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I didn't start this week of training off very well.  I had skipped Saturday's 2 mile run and didn't make it up as planned on Sunday.  Then Monday came and I wasn't in the mood to run.  My lower back was hurting (sciatica, possibly?) so I only managed to do a mile before I couldn't take anymore.  And it was a slooooow mile.

Tuesday I went to the doctor and she said that I had probably strained a muscle or pinched a nerve in my back, which was causing the pain.  I was prescribed pain medication and muscle relaxers.  I did not run Tuesday or Wednesday and Thursday was my off day.  I had hoped  to do something, anything, on the treadmill on Friday, but I was still feeling pretty stiff.  Saturday wasn't much better, so I just took it off, too.  I'm really hoping to get back in the swing of things, but I'm guessing my whole schedule is ruined.  :/

Don't Stop When You're Tired...

Smells Like Summer

I had to work today and it pretty much sucked.  My back is killing me.  I talked someone into finishing out my shift for my so I got to leave 3 hours early.  She will never know how thankful I am.  I have to work again tomorrow and I couldn't get anyone to work for me, but the less I'm on my feet, the better my back feels, so I appreciate going home early today at least.

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When I got home, Preston had the grill out of the garage and cleaned up.  Barbeque chicken and fish were on the menu for tonight!  It smelled so amazing.  Summer isn't quite here yet, but it sure smelled like summer at my house.  :)

I'm over doing it with my calories again today, but not nearly as bad as the days prior.  This time, it's the sweets that are killing me.  I've had such a sweet tooth lately.  And my wonderful loving husband decided to make me a strawberry shake with chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream...and I couldn't very well turn it down, could I?  That'd be rude.  ;)

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Food Log:

• breakfast - special k vanilla almond and silk (255)
• lunch - spicy chicken sandwich
• dinner - bbq chicken, baked beans, cottage cheese, macaroni salad, beer
• snack - fruit twist (120), snickers ice cream bar (180), green pepper strips, mini marshmallows (80), flavor swirl shake
  

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YOUR TURN: What is your favorite part about summer?  I love eating the food my husband cooks on the grill (I'm terrified of the grill, the open flame and the propane tank, so I don't touch it), going to the lake (we live near two big lakes) for the day (but not camping - I love my bed and shower too much) and sitting in front of our fire pit at night.  :)

You Can Keep Going...

Back to Keeping Track

Keeping track of calories and what I'm eating every day is soooo boring, but clearly it works.  I haven't been keeping track for about a week and it shows.  I was binging and I gained 4 pounds.  :/  I ate a lot of fried junk, pizza and candy and not only did the scale show it, but the way my clothes fit and the way my skin felt showed it too.  I've noticed that when I'm keeping track, I make better choices.  So...back to tracking, I guess.

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Ben has been army crawling for about a month now and recently he has started crawling on all fours.  I think he realized that he can get places a lot faster if he uses his legs, rather than drag them behind him.  He has also discovered that there are more rooms in the house besides the dining room and the living room.  Clearly it was time to get out the baby gates. 

It's almost sad.  :(

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Every other weekend, my mom takes the boys for an overnight visit and we try to take advantage of our kid-less night by having a date night.  We usually go out to dinner, go visit friends we haven't seen for awhile or stay home and watch movies or play video games.  Tonight we decided to eat at the new burger place again and as usual, our service was wonderful and our food was filling.  We've heard so many bad things about the service (slow, 2 hour long wait) and the food (still bleeding in the middle) but we've been lucky the two times we've been there.  It was pretty busy and we still got our food within a few minutes of ordering and it was hot and fresh.  It probably helped that we ordered the same thing.

After dinner, we were headed downtown when I realized that The Hunger Games was at the theater.  I really want to see it, but it had already started.  Maybe next time.

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Food Log:

• breakfast - special k vanilla almond and silk (255)
• lunch - turkey and cheese sandwich (250)
• dinner - jalapeno guacamole burger, fries, beer
• snack - cheerios (50), special k vanilla almond and silk (255), party pizza

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YOUR TURN: What do you think of The Hunger Games? I'm not going to lie - I have no idea what the big deal about this movie is.  I happened to see the previews when we saw Breaking Dawn in the theater and I thought it looked like my kind of movie.  Then, the closer that opening day came, my Facebook feed blew up about it, along with some of the blogs I read.  I didn't even realize it was originally a book until someone mentioned on Facebook that they had just finished reading it again.  Then I saw a preview again and realized that I had wanted to see it the first time I'd seen a preview.  And I still do.  But I still don't get the hype.  LOL  I should really read the book, I guess.  :)

Weekly Weigh In (03/23/12)

Last week: 169.6
This week: 173.6
Total: + 4.0

I am disappointed, yes.  But I also expected it.  You can't eat junk all week and expect to lose or maintain.  I'm done binging.  I'm back to making better choices because I FEEL better when I eat right and it makes me happy when the scale goes down and my clothes actually fit.  I don't like that snug, binding feeling that my clothes have suddenly taken on.

I have to stop using my injury and my lack of exercise as an excuse.  Just because I can't move very well doesn't mean I can't still eat well.

Whether It Is a 14 Minute Mile...

Sedentary Lifestyle

My name is Marcia and I have a binge eating problem.  :/  I bought a trigger food the other day to test myself...and I failed.  Miserably.  And one thing I've learned in the last few years regarding binging is that one day of binging leads to many more days of binging.  I'll snap out of it, but the damage being done in the mean time is horrific.  :(  I'm done binging.  I'm terrified of what the scale is going to show tomorrow.

I haven't worked out or ran since Friday.  Almost a week has gone by.  I had attempted to run on Monday, but only made it a mile before the pain in my back was too much to bare.  Since I haven't been able to work out or run, I've been kind of depressed and emotional.  I fully believe that exercise is a natural anti-depressant.  When I started working out and eating better three years ago, I was able to take myself off my medication for depression and anxiety.  I still have issues with depression from time to time.  It usually strikes when my lifestyle becomes sedentary.  Since I can't work out, I feel sorry for myself.  Pathetic.  Useless.  Helpless.  I don't like feeling like that.  I don't like asking for help and I'm very stubborn when it comes to that.

poor, neglected treadmill

I'm hoping that tomorrow my back will be well enough that I can at least walk on the treadmill for a bit.  I'm dying to get active!  And my poor treadmill...it's become a catch all for laundry.  I've kind of let the laundry pile up since it's a pain to bend over and deal with all the clothes.  Dealing with that is on my to do list tomorrow, since I have the day off.  I have a feeling my back is going to take longer to heal since I am too stubborn to just relax.  I hate clutter and the mess on my treadmill (and piling up in other parts of the house) is really starting to drive me bonkers.  I am clearly not dealing with this back problem very well.

The worst part of this back issue is not the lack of exercise, the binge eating or the depression.  It's that I can't pick this little guy up:

Benjamin

Isn't he handsome?

Being An Athlete is a State of Mind...

My Little Surprise When I Got Home

The pain meds and muscle relaxers the doctor put me on are amazing.  I still feel some pain, though not nearly as much as I do without the drugs.  And I had the most wonderful deep sleep last night.  I had a few weird dreams and I woke up a few times during the night, but for the most part, it felt great.  I woke up kind of groggy, though, and wasn't ready to wake up, but I had to work at 6:00am, so I didn't have much of a choice but to get up.

I waited until I got to work to take any of the meds.  That was probably a mistake.  Even though I took half doses, I still had a swimmy head and had a hard time focusing the first couple hours.  Thankfully, the cloud lifted and I was able to function, but around noon the pain came back.  I took just half a pain pill and made it the last few hours of work.

My food choices today weren't the best.  I had hashbrowns for breakfast, a hershey bar with almonds for a snack and some philly cheesesteak (minus the bread) for lunch.  Then I had two doughnuts after work.  Pretty crappy eating today, I'd say.  Around 9:30am or so, I started feeling sick to my stomach.  At first I thought it was the medication, but I was fine until I'd had the chocolate, so it's hard telling what made my stomach upset.

The longer I'm going without running, the more bummed out I'm getting.  I'm really worried about losing my endurance and having to start back over.  It's only been four days so far, but I'm really not sure how much longer my back is going to be bothering me.  I wish it'd just work itself out.  :/

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some of Ben's snacks and a sandal

I came home from work this afternoon to find my house partially destroyed.  We have a two year old male boxer named Bettis who is usually kenneled when no one is home.  Apparently, he has far too much fun in the house when no one is home and someone (Preston) forgets to make sure he's in bed when they leave.  This is the second time in two weeks that I've come home to a mess.  The first time, Bettis managed to eat a book and a Wii nunchuk that were sitting on the TV stand.  This time, he ate a container of baby snacks and a bag of mini marshmallows that we'd bought for Kaiden's marshmallow gun.  Needless to say, when Kaiden saw the marshmallow bag all torn up, he started crying.  He was very mad at the dog, and a little mad at his dad for not making sure the dog was put away before they'd all left for the day.  The dog, on the other hand, was pretty oblivious.  Besides, how can you get mad at this face:

He must have been winking at me.  ;)

When In Doubt...

Oh Yeah, I Binged

So yesterday's purchase at the grocery store (the macaroni salad) was a big huge mistake.  Not only did I have a bowl of goodness at lunch, I had one later in the afternoon and then again at dinner.

I knew I couldn't pass the binge test.  Today is day 28 of my Lent Challenge (no binging).  I went 17 days without another binge.  I'm pretty disappointed in myself and my lack of self control.  But, on the flip side, I'm pretty happy it wasn't worse.  Usually, that container would have been gone, but I made it last.  And now that I've gotten the craving out of my system, I can move on.  LOL

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I somehow hurt my back yesterday (it just happened to occur when I was folding laundry - so clearly laundry is a toxic chore) and I suffered all day and all night.  I didn't sleep well, so I went to the doctor this morning and she prescribed a pain killer and a muscle relaxer.  I've never had a lot of luck with muscle relaxers, but I'm seriously hoping it works this time.  I just can't handle this type of pain anymore.  Must be an age thing.  LOL
 

I guess this means I won't be running for a few days.  I'm worried this will set me back, just when I was getting good distance, but that's okay.  I just need to keep reminding myself that I have until July to get my distance and pace up to par and that if it takes awhile, it's okay.  :)  I'm far too hard on myself, especially because I compare myself to others and their accomplishments.

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YOUR TURN: What's the worst kind of pain you've felt?  I've given birth three times and never got the epidural with any of them.  They tried with Brandon, but it didn't take effect.  It wasn't offered at the hospital when I had Kaiden and I was too far along for them to get it in the right spot when I had Ben.  They hit my nerve when they tried to administer it with Ben - that was a horrible feeling as well!

I May Not Be The Strongest...

Triggered a Possible Binge

I had 2.25 miles scheduled for today, but I must have slept wrong or moved wrong or something because my back hurt so badly this morning.  It felt like sciatica, which absolutely sucks.  I attempted a run, though, just because I was tired of the excuses and I was still disappointed in myself for skipping my 2 mile run on Saturday and not making it up yesterday.  However, I only made it a mile.  :/  I ended up walking twice during it, too.  I might try again later.

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Doesn't look exactly pretty, but I think it's pretty amazing.

I went to the grocery store today to pick up some snacks for Brandon's class this week during their Terra Nova Testing (standardized achievement testing - similar to Iowa Basics Testing, which is what we did when I was in school).  I got cinnamon graham crackers and fruit snacks.  Healthy, yet yummy, right?  While I was there, I grabbed a container of macaroni salad.  I can't eat it plain, but I mix it with cottage cheese, shredded cheese and sunflower seeds and it becomes a bowl of binge-worthy goodness.  Seriously.  This combination used to be a serious binge problem for me.  I bought it though, as sort of a test.  I got home and weighed out a serving of everything (except the sunflower seeds - I did a half serving of those) and mixed it all together.  It was 605 calories of yummy goodness.  I didn't have breakfast (I slept until 9:30 and then rushed around getting Ben and myself ready to pick Kaiden up from school) so I'm justifying the high calorie lunch.

Honestly, I wanted more, but I was satisfied with what I had.  To keep myself from going to the fridge and loading up on more, I kept telling myself that it'll be there at dinner time and I can have some more then.  It may have been a mistake to bring it in the house, but it's really been awhile since I allowed it in the house (I'd be willing to bet a year, at least).  I will pass this test.  I do not need to binge.

A Sad, Somber Post

I'm emotionally drained.  I've had enough of tragedy and sadness.  My limit has been severely exceeded.  :/

Field fire south of town by my MIL's

I've put off mentioning this, but after last night, it's gotten to be too much.  A week ago, there was a field fire near my mother in laws house.  Like...right across the street.  They were evacuated because of the heat from the fire and the smoke and ash.  It was horrible.  Thankfully their property wasn't damaged.  But that was only the beginning.

A few days later, a friend of mine and her husband and kids lost their home to a fire.  Something to do with a cigarette butt.  My friend is taking full responsibility for the fire.  I guess it was her cigarette.  :/  We donated some money to them because they have a daughter about a month older than Ben and she lost everything.  Their older daughter's stuff was never touched by the fire or ruined by the smoke, but the baby has nothing.  I was glad we could help.

Rest in Peace, Michael and Katie :(

Saturday morning we got an automated alert from the school about two high school kids (a boyfriend and girlfriend) that had died in a rollover accident early Saturday morning.  It was sad news.  Very bright, caring, religious kids that were very involved in the community and their church.  :/  I had only met the kids in passing due to working at a gas station, but the comments I've been reading on Facebook have brought back memories of my own friend that had died in a similar accident.  I know the pain they are suffering, though my pain is 12 years old.  It's heartbreaking to see how effected the entire community is, but it's also wonderful to see them all come together to celebrate the lives of these kids.

Then, last night two tornadoes touched down in a town about 100 miles from here.  I have friends and family that live in that town and I was worried about them.  Thankfully there wasn't a lot of damage to the town...not a lot of damage like I've seen on the news regarding other tornadoes, anyway.

Also, yesterday there was a huge fire in Yuma County, Colorado, which isn't too far from where I live and houses were destroyed and firefighters were injured.  It's all so sad.

16 miles by 14 miles wide fire in Yuma County

Even though most of this stuff doesn't effect me directly, it's still a lot to handle and a person can only handle so much tragedy.  :/

If You're Tired of Starting Over...

Everyone Deserves a Lazy Day

I had a pretty good St. Patrick's Day.  We went to a party at a bar that some friends had invited us to and at first it was kind of lame.  We ended up leaving and going to pick up another friend, but we eventually made our way back to the bar and had a good time.  I tried hard to keep track of how much I was drinking - not for calories sake, but because I have a tendency to try to "keep up" with the boys and drink as fast and as much as they do.  I think I did pretty good, though I was drunk and really tired by the time we got home (4:00am!)

Excuse my face. I was talking when Kaiden took the picture.

I only got to sleep until about 8:00am before my mother in law brought the boys home, but thankfully I woke up without a serious hangover or anything.  I showered and cleaned up the house and by 11:30, Preston was still asleep!  LOL  He got up long enough to eat and then decided to go back to bed.  I'm guessing he had way more fun than I did.  ;)

---

I didn't have a run scheduled today but since I skipped yesterday, I was hoping to squeeze it in eventually.  Even though I wasn't hungover when I woke up, I was still having a pretty blah today.  I just didn't have the energy or motivation to get on the treadmill or even attempt an outside run.  So I put it off and just enjoyed being lazy for the day.

---

YOUR TURN: What is your favorite holiday? By far, my favorite holiday is Halloween. I actually love the entire month of October. I love pumpkins and gourds and Indian corn. I love dressing my kids up in their different costumes, once they finally settle on one. But second favorite...definitely St. Patrick's Day. I'm part Irish and I love the food and traditions and folklore. Two years ago, though, I finally ate corned beef and cabbage for the first time (I'd always thought it sounded disgusting) and come to find out, I LOVED IT. We eat it at least once a month now. That's good stuff!

Running Schedule, Week 3 Recap

Sunday, March 11th: 1.66 miles (13:?? minute mile)
Monday, March 12th: 1.66 miles (14:21 minute mile)
Tuesday, March 13th: 1.75 miles (1.804 miles/13:51 pace)
Wednesday, March 14th: no run
Thursday, March 15th: 1.75 miles (1.85 miles/13:30 pace)
Friday, March 16th: 2 miles (2.119 miles/14:09 pace)
Saturday, March 17th: 2 miles (did not run)

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I struggled with my first 1.66 mile run on Sunday.  I had a couple beers in the afternoon before I attempted the run, however, so I'm hoping that's what the problem was.  I ran 1.06, walked to 1.16, then ran to 1.76.  It was so hard and really made me want to give up on this whole running thing.

red faced after my great Monday run

Even though the 1.66 mile was pretty disappointing Sunday, the 1.66 I did Monday was AMAZING.  I actually enjoyed the whole run!  I felt good the whole time, wasn't gasping for air or desperate to quit.  If running will always be like this, I might actually learn to love it.  :)

Tuesday I woke up a with a migraine and considered putting off my run until Wednesday, but after dinner I felt better so I managed to run the 1.75 miles scheduled.  I actually rounded out the 25 minutes by running 1.804 miles total.  As of Tuesday, I'll be logging my pace, rather than the time of my first mile.  Since I'm closing in on 2 miles now, I should be watching my pace, rather than the time of my first mile.  :)

Wednesday was sort of weird.  It was my day off from running, but I wanted to run.  I told myself no, though, and enjoyed me lazy day.

Thursday, however, was terrible.  I was kind of regretting not running.  My entire run was a struggle.  So many times I wanted to quit.  I was near tears by .88 miles.  I hadn't even done a full mile yet before I felt like giving up!  I pushed it the entire time though and even went a 10th of a mile further just to prepare myself for the 2 miles scheduled for Friday.

The 2 miles on Friday were so hard.  I literally had to count every .05 miles.  I kept telling myself "Just .05 more and then you can quit."  Then I'd reach that distance and I'd talk myself into going another .05 miles.  I really wanted to give up.  It was hot and miserable.

I skipped my 2 mile run on Saturday because we had so much family stuff planned and I just didn't manage my time well.  I'll make the run up, I'm just not sure when.

---

I'm beginning to notice that the days I work and then run are more difficult that the days I have off and run first thing in the morning.  I don't know if it has to do with being on my feet all day vs. not, the heat, the time of day, or whatever, but I imagine it's a combination of those factors.  I'm also hoping that I can get the nerve up to start running first thing in the morning, outside.  I'm nervous, though.  Last year I tried to run outside and I didn't make it very far...like maybe a few yards.  :/  My breathing was ridiculous and I wasn't sure how to pace myself.  My friend that loaned me the Garmin told me that running outside would be different than the treadmill and that I'd probably like it better since the treadmill bores me so much.

I guess we'll see, if I ever get the nerve up to do it.  :/

Gymnastics Meet Trumps Running

I had a 2 mile run scheduled for today, but I decided to put it off because my stepdaughter had a gymnastics meet at noon and the meet was an hour away.  I was able to sleep in this morning (Ben hasn't been feeling well, so he hasn't been sleeping well during the day...which apparently means he's sleeping great at night) and I just didn't manage my time well before we had to leave for the meet.

I ate like crap today.  We were on the go so that means fast food and junk.  I was stuffed after lunch and we decided to take the kids for ice cream and I gave in and had a small blizzard.  I am so uncomfortable right now!  In a few hours, we'll be leaving for a St. Patrick's Day party, so I'm blogging a little early today because I need to shower and get ready for the party.  My plan is to only have a few beers tonight because I'd like to wake up hang over free tomorrow and hopefully get my skipped run in tomorrow.

---

A friend of mine loaned me her extra Garmin and while I'm scared to death of running outside, I'm pretty excited to try it out.  I had planned on trying it this morning, but since that didn't work out, I'm hoping tomorrow will work out.

Crappy Day, Equally Crappy Run

I might have over done it today with my food.  I felt like crap all morning, like I was going to puke.  I was super tired for some reason and when I get that tired, I feel sick.  I ate a bunch of junk food, thinking for some reason that maybe I'd feel better.  I eventually did feel better by the time I got off work, but I doubt the junk I ate had anything to do with it.

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I hated today's run.  Absolutely hated it.  I had to convince myself every .05 miles to just keep going.  I'm noticing a pattern, I think.  The days that I run after work are the days I really struggle.  The days I run first thing in the morning seem to be way easier.

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Food Log:

• breakfast - cinnamon roll
• lunch - 1/2 piece of chicken alfredo pizza, stuffed spuds appetizer
• dinner -Wendy's cheesy cheddarburger
• snack - 3 crispy thins (50), jalapeno pepper cheese wedge (30)
• energy - 5hr energy (4), starbucks mocha energy (200), sugar free redbull (20)
  

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 2.119 miles/14:09 pace) - 30 minutes, 330 calories

Total time - 30 minutes
Total calories burned -330

Weekly Weigh In (03/16/12)

Last week: 169.4
This week: 169.6
Total: + .2

I'm not even remotely upset about a .2 gain.  All I was concerned about with this morning's weigh in was having still maintained a 100 pound loss.  I was scared to death to weigh and be over 170 again.  I'd sneaked on the scale a few times throughout the week and seen myself in the 170's, so I was a little paranoid.

Plus, I weighed in about 3 hours earlier than usual.  I like to weigh in at 8:00am on Fridays because I know the body can fluctuate within hours, so I prefer to do it the same time each time I weigh but I have to work at 6:00am this morning, so I had to do it early.

Just One of Those Days

I woke up this morning feeling a lot more rested than the night before.  I struggled to wake up (as I do every morning - definitely NOT a morning person), but at least I didn't feel like a zombie.

Everything I ate yesterday was still weighing me down and I definitely felt it.  I felt sluggish and gross and still a bit uncomfortable.  I considered taking a laxative to kind of speed things along but those things are so unpredictable that my luck, it'd decide to take effect about the same time we had a mad lunch rush at work.

---

Even though yesterday was my off day, I was kind of regretting not running.  I had the hardest time with my 1.75 miles today.  I just wanted to give up from the start.  I was near tears by .88 miles.  I  finished, but it wasn't pretty.  My breathing was off from the start, it was hotter than hell in the bedroom and I hadn't eaten in quite awhile, so I think that a combination of the three had a lot to do with the struggle.  I am so not looking forward to 2 miles tomorrow.  :(

---

My food log isn't much to brag about today.  We make these pretty awesome breakfast burritos at work and today I finally gave in and enjoyed one.  Once again, my justification is that I don't eat it every day, not to mention it's so filling, it's the only thing I ate until dinner, which was leftover chicken fajitas.  Yum!  I didn't over do it this time on the fajitas, especially since weigh in is tomorrow.

---

Food Log:

• breakfast - breakfast burrito
• dinner - two chicken fajitas
• energy - 5hr energy (4), starbucks mocha energy (200)
  

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 1.85 miles/13:30 pace) - 25 minutes, 286 calories

Total time - 25 minutes
Total calories burned - 286

Sleep Deprived

You ever have one of those nights where you're brain just won't shut down and by the time your alarm goes off, you don't remember having ever fallen asleep?  Yeah, that about sums up my "sleep" last night.  It was pretty non-existent.  I couldn't fall asleep, so I read blogs, pinned stuff on Pinterest and watched some of the Friends marathon on TV.  Finally, I decided that the laptop and TV weren't helping any, so I tried to get some sleep.  That was at about 11:10.

Ben - such a happy baby

At 11:51, Ben started fussing, so I got up, found his binky and made a bottle and laid back down.  It was futile.  I tossed and turned all night.  I couldn't get comfortable on my back, tummy or either side and I went from hot to cold every 10 minutes.  Ben started fussing (not sure what time) and soon after my alarm went off at 4:45 and I cursed it.  I turned it off (I have multiple alarms set) and waited for the next one to go off at 5:00.  At 4:53, Ben started fussing louder, so I got up, made him happy and got ready for work.

Lack of sleep makes for a long day.  I took a mid-afternoon nap yesterday, plus I ran almost 2 miles yesterday, so I'm going to assume one of those reasons is why I didn't get any sleep last night.  I'm really just hoping this isn't the beginning of insomnia.  I know insomnia isn't contagious, but it seems to be happening to two people I work with and that's not something I want to deal with.

---

I kind of feel like running, but I'm also exhausted, so I'm just going to take the day off like I have scheduled.  I'm so proud of myself - I've run at least a mile every day the last 6 days.  I've increased my distance every couple days as scheduled and I'm noticing that distances are getting easier.  A 1/4 mile used to make me winded...but now I can breeze through almost an entire mile like it's nothing.  I am amazed at what I can accomplish when I plan and put forth an effort.  :)

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I haven't been the absolute greatest about tracking my calories lately, though I've still been watching what I eat pretty carefully.  I read about "intuitive eating" on another blog and basically, it's what I've been striving at this whole time - learning to eat like a normal person and having self control.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life counting calories and weighing out every single thing that goes in my mouth.  I want to trust my stomach and my mind to make the right decisions.  I want to listen to the signals that they give when I'm nearing fullness so I don't over eat.  Yesterday, I ate two chicken legs and a small helping of shells and cheese.  I was nervous because I didn't know the calorie counts of either, but I ate just enough to satisfy me.  Tonight, with the fajitas for dinner, I tried to do the same, but failed.  I could binge on fajitas, I love them so much.  But I ate two small ones and felt pretty stuffed.  Some time went by and I went back for another and was so stuffed mybelly hurt.  But nonetheless, I still wanted MORE!  Ridiculous, right?

The stuffed spuds appetizer I had at lunch might bite me in the butt, but it's not like I eat them every day, so it was a nice treat to enjoy.  And eating them almost did lead to eating something else fried, but I controlled myself that much, at least.  :)

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Food Log:

• breakfast -coffee with creamer (34), two toaster waffles (190)
• lunch - stuffed spuds appetizer
• dinner - three chicken fajitas, beer (110)
• snacks - granola thin (80), apple pie (410)

Migraines = Pure Evil and Hell

I  went to bed last night with a slight headache, and woke up around midnight with a full on migraine.  I haven't had a migraine in years. I used to get them all the time in high school.  I came pretty close to flunking out my junior year because I missed so much school due to migraines.

I've started to notice that I'm more in tune with my body and I understand it a little more when things aren't quite right.  I honestly think my migraine is because I wore a really tight sports bra to bed.  You wouldn't think that one has anything to do with the other, but around 3:00am I woke up and my back was hurting pretty badly.  I think the pressure from the sports bra on my back caused pressure in my head.  I could be wrong, but I think it could be possible.

Around 5:30am, after writhing in agony all night, the sports bra finally came off and I felt the pressure in my back release.  I also took 3 Tylenol at that time, so it's really hard to say what ended up helping, but around 7:30am, my migraine started to diminish. 

---

I didn't think I was actually going to get my run in today.  Even though the migraine wasn't full force anymore, it still left that dull pain in the back of my head and it really drained me off all my energy.  In the afternoon, I layed down for a short nap and that really seemed to re-energize me.  I managed to get some housework done, which was good.  After I ate dinner, I decided to attempt the treadmill.  Once again, I forgot to pee and realized about 5 seconds into my run that I messed up.  I wasn't going to stop though.  I hate stopping in the middle of a run.  Regardless of that fact, I did end up having to stop for a second at .96 miles because Preston couldn't find the wipes and Ben was dirty.  :/

Anyway, I struggled a lot with this run.  Yesterday, I truly thought I'd have it in the bag, but with the migraine and the lateness in the day (which means I didn't take a 5hr energy shot either), not to mention the sun and heat pouring through the window, it was a tough run.  But I stuck it out.  I ran the 1.75 miles scheduled and was at 24 minutes, so I decided to keep running to round out the 25 minutes.  Usually I stop at the distance I'm scheduled and then do a cool down walk for the rest of my time (rounding up to the next 5 minutes).

I'm also logging my time differently.  I'm no longer keeping track of the time of the first mile.  Now that I'm moving on to more mileage, I'm just going to keep track of my total time ran and then figure out my pace and go from there.  That's how runners track their time anyway and since I've gained more distance, I might as well follow suit.

I was truly amazed at how much sweat was running down my back after this run.  It was pretty gross, actually.  LOL

---

Food Log:

• lunch - turkey and cheese sandwich (240), pasta salad (380)
• dinner - 2 small oven fried chicken legs, shells and cheese
  

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 1.804 miles/13:51 pace) - 25 minutes, 270 calories

Total time - 25 minutes
Total calories burned - 270

They Say "You Are What You Eat..."

Lesson Learned: Pee Before You Run

I felt like absolute crap this morning.  :/  I was dreading my run today.  I was dreading doing housework today.  I had the hardest time getting motivated to do anything.  It looked like it was going to be a really bad day.

However, I finally got myself showered and dressed and went to town for a few things.  When I got back, I did some dishes and cleaned up a few cluttered areas of the house.  I was stalling, I could tell.  I was seriously trying to put off running.  Finally Ben decided to take a nap and Brandon and Kaiden decided to take advantage of the gorgeous 70+ degree weather and take a walk.  So I said to hell with it and got on the treadmill and did the 1.66 miles I had scheduled.  Turns out, I had a GREAT run.  I was amazed.  I felt great the whole time (although, for future reference, I really need to remember to pee before I start a run that I don't want to stop in the middle of...running with a semi-full bladder isn't very comfortable).  Anyway, I took it very slow, which is obvious by my 14:21 minute mile.  *sigh*  I keep telling myself that I'm focusing on finishing first, time second, but every time I do that one mile so slowly, it depresses me.

I have 1.75 miles scheduled tomorrow and I'm truly not nervous!  The 1.66 went so well today (even after yesterday's major disappointment) that I'm motivated and looking forward to pushing it further tomorrow.  :)  Who would have thought?  LOL

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Food Log:

• lunch - turkey and cheese sandwich (240), cottage cheese (90)
• dinner -turkey and cheese sandwich (240), pasta salad (380)
  
• energy - 5hr energy (4), sugarfree red bull (20) 

Total calories:  974

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 14:21/mile) - 25 minutes, 256 calories burned

Total time - 25 minutes
Total calories burned - 256

Disappointed in Myself

Preston decided to sleep in this morning and since the treadmill is in the bedroom, I wasn't able to run right away this morning.  Then I just got lazy.  We went to the cafe for lunch and I was stuffed when we left.  Then I had a beer.  And then another.  By the afternoon, I figured I was never going to run.  But then I kept dwelling on it and I knew I'd regret it if I didn't at least try.

I finally just sucked it up and got on the treadmill.  I struggled the whole time.  :(  At 1.06 miles, I decided I had to walk for at least a 10th.  At 1.16 miles, I started running again and at 1.20 miles, my knee tried to lock.  That sucked, to say the least.  It worked itself out though and even though I struggled, I managed to run to 1.76 miles (I had 1.66 scheduled for the day, but with walking a 10th, I had to make up for it and added it on at the end).

Once again, I missed my time at the 1 mile mark, but I know it was in the 13 minute area.  :/  I'm sad that I walked part of it.  Tomorrow will be better.

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Food Log:

• lunch - philly steak sandwich, salad, cottage cheese
• dinner - special k vanilla almond with silk
• snack - beer (257), cool ranch doritos

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 13:??/mile) - 25 minutes, 259 calories burned

Total time - 25 minutes
Total calories burned - 259

Running Schedule, Week 2 Recap

Sunday, March 4th: 1.25 miles (13:22 minute mile)
Monday, March 5th: 1.25 miles (13:00 minute mile - personal record!)
Tuesday, March 6th: 1.33 miles (12:46 minute mile - personal record!)
Wednesday, March 7th: no run
Thursday, March 8th: 1.33 miles (13:?? minute mile)
Friday, March 9th: 1.5 miles (13:31 minute mile)
Saturday, March 10th: 1.5 miles (14:40 minute mile)

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I was really nervous about trying 1.25 miles on Sunday.  I hadn't run that in quite some time and I'd struggled pushing out a mile for so long that I thought 1.25 miles would be impossible.  Thankfully, it wasn't.  I did it and I felt great!  However, when Monday came and I had to do it again, I started out kind of nervous.  Having never been a runner and never having the desire to purposely put myself through that hell, I still have a hard time accepting that I can do this.  I just have to set aside my fears.

The 1.33 miles scheduled for Tuesday made me really nervous.  During the run, I kept counting down every 10th of a mile.  The first 3/4 of a mile went by pretty easily (who would have ever thought I would say that!?) but as the one mile mark got closer, I felt like I was never going to make it.  I finished the whole 1.33 miles, but I could really feel my energy waning by the last portion.  Later that day, my knee started hurting.  I was pretty thankful that I had scheduled a break on Wednesday because I really needed it.  By Wednesday afternoon, it was throbbing.

Thursday's run was kind of a struggle.  I know I need to take time off periodically to rest my body and help my muscles recover, but it really made the run difficult after taking a day off.

I almost forgot that Friday was a 1.5 mile day.  As I was putting on my shoes, I could feel myself shaking.  My nerves got the better of me.  I thought for sure I was going to have an anxiety attack.  I was so nervous, I never thought I'd make it.  I did, though!  The whole run was kind of a struggle because I'd scared myself into thinking I couldn't do it from the beginning, but I pushed through the nerves and finished.

I was hungover Saturday when I did my 1.5 miles.  I went pretty slow the whole time, because all I cared about was finishing.  I didn't want to do it at all, but I am too stubborn to skip a day on my schedule because it's all I will think about.  I did it, and my time wasn't pretty.  And the run exhausted me for the rest of the day.  Maybe my body isn't ready for a mile and a half?  I don't know.  I just can't give up...

Make Your Supporters Proud...

I Can Relax Now (Sort Of)

Weight this morning: 169.4 (down 1.2 from yesterday)

So as I said in my other post, I have officially lost more than 100 pounds.  Now that I've finally met that goal, I won't be weighing daily anymore.  I'll go back to weighing in on Fridays.  I know that the body can fluctuate daily and I think I might have a mental break down if I see the scale go back over 170, so it's probably best, for sanity's sake, if I just weigh once a week.  :)

I'm 10 pounds behind on my monthly weight loss goals and even though that sucks because it's going to get more and more difficult to reach my ultimate goal by my first anniversary, I'm kind of okay with it.  I've been stressing about this whole "100 pound loss" thing and now that I finally got past that obstacle,  I think I can relax a little and just keep doing what I've been doing, because apparently it's working.  :)

I had a 1.5 mile run scheduled for today and I was actually kind of scared.  The first time (and only other time) I'd ever ran a mile and a half, I almost puked.  1.5 miles is pretty far.  I struggled, but I did it.  I have another 1.5 mile scheduled for tomorrow, and already I'm dreading it.  :/

I'm not done tracking my calories today, as of this post, but I'm calling it a night as far as the blog is concerned.  (I lied, I keep logging on and adding stuff).  I'm going to watch a movie with my husband and maybe have a few beers.  I wasn't feeling so great today so I didn't eat much and my food log shows it and I'm getting that worn out, exhausted, burnt out feeling.  I used to love that feeling because it kept me from eating, but it's scary now that I'm trying to stay active and have no energy to do so.  We will see what tomorrow brings.  I work the 11-7 shift and as we all know, that shift leads to binges.  :/

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Food Log:

• breakfast - 2 blueberry toaster waffles (190)
• lunch - granola thin (80)
• dinner - special k vanilla almond with silk (238)
• snack - 2.5oz pepperjack cheese, cool ranch doritos (450), beer (440)
• energy - 5hr energy (4), gatorade prime pre-game fuel  (100)

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 13.31/mile) - 25 minutes, 244 calories burned

Total time - 25 minutes
Total calories burned - 244

Three Years and 100 Pounds Later

BEFORE: March 20th, 2009 - 268 pounds

On March 9th, 2009, I decided I'd had enough.  I had stepped on the scale and, weighing 270 pounds, decided that I was tired of being the fat girlfriend, the fat friend, the fat mom.  I was tired of being FAT.  I had a friend who'd lost a lot of weight with exercise and counting calories, so I figured if she could do it, I could do it.  At first it was easy.  Every time I stepped on the scale, the number went down.  I couldn't believe that I was actually doing it and sticking with it for once!

During those three years, I did end up struggling a lot.  I had a lot of setbacks and plateaus and even a pregnancy thrown into the mix.  But I never once gained more than 12 pounds back (except during the pregnancy, which I managed to gain just enough weight to have a healthy baby - and I lost the weight as soon as Ben was born).

Today is my 3 year anniversary since I decided to change my life and I'm so proud to say that I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed 169.6.  Yep, that's right!

AFTER: March 9th, 2011 - 169.6 pounds

 I have officially lost more than 100 pounds!
100.4 pounds, to be exact. ;)

I have been so close to this pivotal milestone so many times but I could never quite get there.  I am so happy to say that I FINALLY did it!  And it's kind of nice that it happened on my 3 year anniversary.  I wish it hadn't taken so long, but the fact that I DID IT is really all that matters.  :)

Some Things I've Learned in the Last Three Years:

• Sweating isn't so bad. It actually feels good, because it's proof that you have busted your ass.
• Clothes shopping is waaay more fun when you have more to choose from then just muumuu's and old lady clothes.
• Exercise won't kill me.
• Healthy food CAN taste good and tastebuds can change.  In the last few years, I've eaten a lot of things I probably would never have tried had I not decided to make some lifestyle changes.  In fact, I even like things that repulsed me as a child.
• Diet is a bad word.  Diet is a temporary fix for a permanent problem.  If you're not willing to make the changes for a lifetime, then you'll yo yo.  A lot.
• Black is not the only color that looks good on me.
• When you lose weight, your feet can shrink.  I went from wearing a 8.5 or a 9 (depending on the shoe) to wearing a 7.5.
• Exercise has kept me off antidepressants for nearly 3 years.  I still have my depression episodes, but they aren't as bad, nor as frequent as before. 
• Truly, the longer it takes you to lose the weight, the more likely you are to keep it off.  I managed to keep losing (slowly) or maintaining for 3 years.
• If I'd learned all of these things before I let it get way out of hand, I wouldn't be facing $20,000 worth of uninsured cosmetic surgery (just to fix my abdominal area, my thighs and my butt).  This is kind of a negative point for this post, I suppose, but it is something to think about...

Getting Closer to 100 Pounds Lost (Again!)

Weight this morning: 170.6 (down 1.2 from yesterday)

So I'm pretty ecstatic that the scale keeps going down.  I thought for sure it'd be up a little this morning, but I was pleasantly surprised with a 1.2 pound loss.  :)

A few words about what I've been eating lately - I totally recommend the Kraft Oatmeal Raisin Milk and Cereal bars.  They're kind of small, but oh so good.  They taste just like a homemade oatmeal raisin cookie.  :)  The Chocolate Brownie Clif Bar I had today...not so great.  :/  I only ate a few bites of it and then gave the rest to a friend.  I was going to finish it just for the sake of finishing it, but my friend will eat just about anything and he ate it before I really had much of a choice.  So that was nice.  Saved me a 120 calories, at least.  LOL

I didn't pay attention to my time when I hit the mile mark today.  I'm not really sure what I was thinking.  The whole time I was running I knew I wasn't going to PR because I was having a tough time with it, and it wasn't until 1.02 miles that I realized I'd missed my time.  Oh well.  It's not that important even though I have been tracking it.

Taking the day off from running was good for my knee but terrible for my momentum.  I really didn't want to run today.  I knew it I put it off much longer, it'd never happen, so I did it as soon as I got off work, just to get it out of the way.  It's weird, but all day I was looking forward to my run, but the closer it got to me being off work, the more tired I got and the less I wanted to run.  At least I sucked it up and got it out of the way.  :)

I'm kind of looking forward to totally anticipating my weigh in tomorrow.  I don't want to jinx it or get my hopes up, but I really hope it's a good one.

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Food Log:

• breakfast - oatmeal raisin milk and cereal bar (140), biscuit (170)
• lunch - 1/2 of a chocolate brownie clif bar (120), sampled 5 fried appetizer pieces
• dinner - cottage cheese with spinach, tomatoes and sunflower seeds
• energy - sugarfree red bull (20), 5hr energy (4)
• water - 23.7 ounces

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 13.??/mile) - 20 minutes, 209 calories burned

Total time - 20 minutes
Total calories burned - 209

5 Days Binge Free

Weight this morning: 171.8 (down .4 from yesterday)

I didn't have a run scheduled for today, and I was thankful for that.  My knee started hurting yesterday and it had been pretty sore off and on today.  I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical, thinking it was low impact enough not to piss my knee off more.  Unfortunately, I was wrong and now it really hurts.  Oh well.

I've managed to go 5 days straight without binging.  :)  I'm happy to see that the scale is going back down even though I haven't been really great about counting calories lately.  Obviously I'm still creating a deficit and it's nice that it's happening without even trying.

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Food Log:

• breakfast - protein shake (190), coffee with creamer (35)
• lunch - shredded chicken
• dinner - pasta with spinach, grape tomatoes and italian cheese
• snack - granola thin (80), oatmeal raisin milk and cereal bars (420)
• energy - 5hr energy (4)

Work Out Log:

• elliptical - 30 minutes, 298 calories burned

Total time - 30 minutes
Total calories burned - 298

My Fastest Time Yet

Weight this morning: 172.2 (down 1.6 from yesterday)

Since today was an anniversary for Preston and I, I decided I wanted to make something special for dinner that he'd (hopefully) absolutely love.  I wanted to make a creamy, yet spicy and garlic-y shrimp pasta dish, but I couldn't find any that I liked online.  So I just threw some stuff together.  I knew that dinner was going to be rich and indulgent, so I decided to take it easy on my other meals and snacking through the day.  Just because it's a special occasion doesn't mean I have to throw caution to the wind.  :)

I went for a walk with Kaiden and Ben today.  It was probably a good mile or so.  Kaiden pushed Ben in the stroller, so I just took my time and enjoyed the weather.  I wish it'd stay like this, but I hear it's going to get crappy again this weekend.

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Food Log:

• lunch - shredded chicken (190), chips and salsa
• dinner - spicy penne shrimp
• snack - cocoa pebbles with silk
• energy - sugarfree red bull (20), 5hr energy (4)

Work Out Log:

• treadmill (run - 12:46/mile - personal record!) - 20 minutes, 213 calories burned

Total time - 20 minutes
Total calories burned - 213

Six Years With My Best Friend

Thanksgiving 2006 - Me, 6 months pregnant with Kaiden

My husband and I have been together for 6 years now.  When we started dating, I was in the low 200's.  I got pregnant with Kaiden a few months into our relationship, and I was about 216 when I went in for my first OB appointment.  After Kaiden was born, I didn't work much and ended up staying at home with him.  I managed to gain a lot of weight.  By the time I realized the damage, I was 270.

I appreciate my husband so much.  He saw something in me that no one else saw and didn't let my weight get between us.  Even at 216, he loved me.  At 270, he still stuck by me.  And when I realized that I wanted to change my eating habits and be healthier and get active, he supported me.

When people ask him about my weight loss, you can hear the pride he has for me.  He knows how hard I've worked and he let's everyone know that I sacrificed a lot to get where I've gotten.  He's been there for me through the successes and the highs, and he was there for me during my failures and the lows.  I love him so much for being my own personal cheerleader.  When I get down about the scale and gaining or maintaining, he's there to help push me.  If I don't want to work out but know that I should, he's cheering me on.  He, along with our children, motivates me.  He's the reason I've succeeded this time.

We started dating 6 years ago today and it was the best decision I've ever made.  I don't know what I'd do without him in my life.

May 2011 - Caesers Palace Forums in Las Vegas